


I'm Too Sexy

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-26
Updated: 2006-03-26
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8093620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Short parody of Trip's inner thoughts. (09/24/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers, 2.26 "The Expanse," 3.02 "Anomaly."  
  
Odd style, be warned!  
  
Beta: Kipli  


* * *

Hmm, a new crewman, eh? Excellent. Perhaps _this_ one won't be intimidated by my incredible masculinity.

::flexes his bum::

::smiles to himself, satisfied that his bum was just as granite-like as it was 5 minutes ago...if not more so::

Ahhh...the only one with an ass as firm and sexy as mine is Travis...and the poor boy is so in love with me, he's afraid to admit it. Look at him...you can tell that he's only in that relationship with Malcolm because he thinks of me as a minor deity. Oh, they look happy enough, but you know they go home at night and pretend the other is me. Or they share their misery with each other that I'm too far out of their league. Bless them, poor dears. If they only knew.

::looks at himself in a pocket mirror he hid at his station for emergency situations like this one::

Look at that face! Who can't love a face like that?

::flashes the mirror a grin and practices a few posed nostril flares::

God, I'm sexy.

::puts mirror away and glances around the room. His eyes settle on T'Pol and a perplexed expression crosses his face::

Ah, T'Pol. I don't understand how she contains herself so well. This morning, I gave her the sexy pouting lower lip look that I spent hours perfecting last night, but even though I could tell she was burning with desire for me, she managed to give me a cold brush-off.

::frets::

I must've botched the timing of the lip quiver.

::anguish::

Oh! How it pains me to ruin a work of art. _sighs_ Although...the combination of my gorgeous hair and same said pout seems to have been too much for Hoshi, because she ran from the room claiming she forgot something in the oven. It's a shame she's so overpowered by my very presence because, well, I dig Asian chicks. They look so good next to me...Bah, who am I kidding? You can't improve on perfection!

::squeezes bum again multiple times and scans the room looking smugly pleased with himself::

Must remember to speak with the Captain about the new commando. I could take her on a personal tour of the ship...show her the ropes...the engineering room, where my intellectual prowess shines...the mess hall, where my debonair good looks and charming Southern manners glow...the weight room, where the light gleams off my glistening muscles after I work up a sweat...

::flexes biceps::

I'm so hot. Ah, there's Captain Archer...trying to keep his interest in me merely professional...very good of him. It's been hard on him, I know. Now would probably be a good time to ask about the new person...He can't resist giving in to me.

"Hey, Cap'n? Could I talk—"

"No, Trip. You can't escort Corporal McKenzie around the ship. You hit on everything with two legs. For her own safety, Malcolm's escorting her."

"—!!!"


End file.
